Guys!! My girlfriend has been rectifying my behaviour through her remedial training sessions, teaching me how to apologize:
1. Admit ~ I am so sorry! I apologize! I shouldn’t have done that [Bad! Bad!].
2. Empathize ~ I understand how that would make you feel – I am devastated to have hurt your feelings [blah, blah, blah].
3. Rectify ~ I promise, in future, I will never do [Bad! Bad!] again.
Looks like I’m in for a lifetime of interpersonal counselling – but luckily, the Government of Ontario has already come up with a solution.
Ontario’s Apology Act, 2009, allows you to apologize to a person whom you have harmed, without fear that the apology would be used against you as evidence of your liability in a lawsuit. In the past, doctors, hospitals, persons involved in automobile accidents, and condo boards were always instructed by their lawyers not to apologize because it would appear to be an admission of guilt, which could lead to financial damages claims payable by them or their insurers. Now the Apology Act encourages apologies in a wide range of scenarios (except in criminal, provincial offence and any court proceedings). You can provide a pre-litigation apology, which will not be admissible in any civil or criminal proceeding as evidence of fault or liability.
We all make mistakes deserving of an apology to friends, family members and strangers whom our words or actions may harm. Feel free to issue a justly-deserved apology to your victims – that may help smooth over the occasional rocky road. Now that is made easier by the Apology Act, with the result that a contentious battle that might otherwise explode when caused by an annoying statement or harmful event may be headed off at the pass by a sincere apology.
Often, disputes arise from an unfortunate choice of words, emotional retaliation in the heat of the moment, or the failure to explain the rationale for an adverse statement (among other failures of communication). A prompt apology can stultify an angry escalation in intense situations. Often, the art of negotiating the resolution of a dispute requires face-saving tactics, “getting to yes” and other strategies used by skillful negotiators and mediators in an effort to deflect personal antagonisms and disarm flared emotions to achieve a realistic, cost-effective solution to the problem at an early stage of a dispute before all hell breaks loose.
Having the courage to apologize up front for your mistake is a sign of a person with integrity, goodwill, and confidence in their own skin. You can be that person, knowing you cannot be sued simply for apologizing prior to litigation. Often, the emotional portion of an attack by a friend, lover or a potential plaintiff can be diluted and even eliminated when the plaintiff receives acknowledgement by a wrongdoer that harm has been done to them. An honest and sincere apology may provide an acknowledgement of responsibility for having caused the harm, thereby providing recognition that the wrongdoer did not get away with taking advantage or “putting one over” on the victim. An apology may also help reduce the wrongdoer’s feelings of guilt and raise their self-esteem and personal integrity. Doing the right thing on the spot makes both parties feel that some measure of justice has been rendered. Surprisingly, victims often respond to an apology much more favorably than the wrongdoer ever expected.
If previously lawyers could be justified in protecting their defendant clients by insisting they not apologize, now the shoe is on the other foot.
A carefully crafted apology letter on behalf of a condo board addressed to an angry unit owner can take the wind out of their sails. That can be a potent means to preclude a requisition meeting or expensive, prolonged litigation, which might otherwise result in legal fees exceeding the monetary value in dispute. On the other hand, there can also be many good reasons to institute legal proceedings.
Often, lawsuits can escalate into a realm all their own, separate from the actual harm complained of, to be overcome and governed by an entirely different set of esoteric court Rules which may become the focus binding litigators and judges, long after the initial dust had settled. Any good lawyer warns their clients before and early during the progress of a lawsuit to become realistic about the likelihood of success, the negative emotional drain, the risk of paying both lawyers’ legal fees, and the amount of effort required during the progress of a lawsuit, compared to the normalcy of being free of such stresses. Any lawsuit is a poker game whose outcome is uncertain, depending upon actual proof of the facts, a range of surprising legal principles that may become applicable, and the ability of the litigator to convincingly present the case to a judge who may not be awake to all the implications. Proof of the factual and legal ingredients required to succeed in negligence, defamation and contract disputes will typically depend upon the plaintiff’s ability to prove the defendant’s fault by convincing the judge beyond a balance of probabilities.
An inflamed plaintiff may want revenge because someone slighted them or hurt their feelings, but it turns out that no one else actually cares that, “it’s a matter of principle!” when a hurt party insists upon “standing up for my rights”. A lawsuit might ensue as an exaggerated ego trip because “they shouldn’t be able to get away with it!” Of course, your lawyer will be pleased to send his children to Harvard in a Mercedes to litigate your matter of principle, subject to a hefty up-front retainer. Sometimes it is better for the offended party to get it all out on paper (which should then be shoved into a drawer for a week or two). Sometimes it is best to let it all go while sitting on the toilet.
An apology is not always the best strategy. Apologies ought to be framed in a manner appropriate to the circumstances. Nonetheless, in cases where an apology is appropriate (before commencement of litigation, or else by your lawyer’s Without Prejudice letter to initiate a settlement during litigation), such a deserved apology can encourage early resolution of a case at a substantial cost saving to both parties, particularly where the value of an explanation and apology for wrongdoing may be even more important to the victim than monetary compensation.
Despite the foregoing, do not apologize while testifying in court. Ontario’s legislation specifically does not apply to apologies made in a scenario which may result in a criminal trial or a provincial offence proceeding. Also, an apology made while testifying during a civil court proceeding or at an administrative hearing or while participating in an arbitration is admissible in that particular proceeding as evidence of fault or liability. An apology is a useful strategy prior to arriving at court, but during litigation, an apology must be carefully assessed in advance by your lawyers to ensure that it does not amount to actual acceptance of fault or evidence of liability.
Ontario’s Apology Act provides a statutory basis to remove barriers to settlement discussions, healing and reconciliation, while promoting civil relationships among antagonistic parties. Other provinces have different kinds of apology legislation.
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry” [Love Story, Erich Segal]. While that seems like it should be true, I think my best shot at winning my lover’s heart is to comply with her 3-step remedial training regime: Admit – Empathize – Rectify, because (with apologies to Elton John), “Sorry [no longer] seems to be the hardest word”.
J. Robert Gardiner, B.A., LL.B., ACCI, FCCI is founding partner in the law firm Gardiner Miller Arnold LLP, practicing condominium law in Toronto. Bob is past-President of the Canadian Condominium Institute (Toronto & Area), is an honourary member of ACMO’s Associates Committee and initiated the annual Condominium Conference. Bob is the author of The Condominium Act, 1998 – A Practical Guide and Beyond the Condominium Act amongst either other legal texts, two condo comedy plays, three movies, 400+ legal articles and 4,000+ legal opinions. © 2025.08.22
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